Tag Archives: Journal

What’s So Good About YOU?

DSC_0437Hello friend,

I’m prematurely gray and wrinkled.  I’m unsocial.  I’m a little too sure I am right all the time.  I need to lose 10 pounds.  I don’t make enough money.  I’m oversensitive to criticism.  I have too much body hair.  I don’t compromise well.  I don’t have much respect for authority.  I wish my teeth were nicer.  I am sometimes short on empathy.  I wish I were a more heralded writer.  My body feels really old and slow compared to even a few years ago.  I tend to unload all of my issues onto my journal instead of communicating with the people who really need to hear me.  I can be intellectually snobby.  I am vain and wish I wasn’t.

It was WAAAAAY to easy to make that list!  On and on I could go.  I am guessing that I am like most people in finding it all too easy to point out my flaws.  We are amazingly quick and adept at finding our weaknesses and shortcomings, ways to make ourselves feel less than.  We might be quick to forgive or look past the same traits in a friend, but with ourselves, we are brutal and relentless.  Why do we do that to ourselves?  Why?

I have decided that my cure for this disturbing self-mutilation is to make a list of the things I DO like about myself.  I want to name and claim the stuff I do well, to really own the parts of me that are worthy of my admiration.  This seems like a much healthier job than pointing out my shortcomings.  So here I go!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………………………………………

Okay, this is HARD!!!!  Is it because I don’t want to sound conceited by saying there are good things about me?  Or are there NOT good things about me?  Alright, REALLY—I mean it this time–here I go!

I always try to keep growing and learning.  I trust my intuition.  I mostly march to the beat of my own drummer.  I’m a great Dad (okay, I like that one!).  My schedule reflects my priorities.  I know who I am (thank you, Journal).  Even though my body feels old, I like that I can still hit a tennis ball better than most people.  I tend to choose a good attitude and feel happy and grateful at the end of each day.  I appreciate being relatively intelligent.  My work helps people enjoy and challenge themselves.

Whew!!!  That actually feels really good to put down in words!  A relief!  But also clarity.  What I am discovering as I make these lists is that I actually like myself.  When I look at that list of positives, I see things that tend to be about “who I am”.  With the exception of the tennis and intelligence, what I really like about myself are things that are more internal, that I have chosen, and that can stand the test of time.  I take that to be a good sign.  My negative list definitely has some of those “who I am” things on it—hypersensitivity, empathy, snobbery, vanity—but a lot of it is external, “ego” stuff.  In my moments of greatest wisdom and clarity, I know that things like the paycheck, the accolades, and my rapidly-aging body are not really me.  They are mere window dressing.

My challenge, as I see it, is to focus more on the positive list than the negative.  Of course, I will keep trying to shore up the negatives, especially the ones that are central to my character.  I will try to be a better communicator, more empathetic, and less sensitive and vain.  But I will try to distance myself from the ego stuff and not judge my appearance and outward signs of success so harshly.  Instead, I will embrace the “who I am” items on the positive list and remind myself more regularly of the list.  I will try to give myself more pats on the back, fewer kicks in the pants.

I am guessing that the better I become at seeing the good in me, the better I will be at seeing the good in others.  The more forgiving I can be with myself, the more forgiving I can be with others.  The less I am focused on the outward, ego-driven signs for me, the less I will care about those signs in others.  Ha!  My amazing discovery in this moment is that by focusing heavily on my positive list and mostly ignoring my negative list, I will naturally be solving the issues on my negative list that I really do want to work on: vanity, empathy, hypersensitivity, etc.  What a lovely side effect!  This sounds like a worthwhile assignment to me.

So, what are your best qualities and habits?  What do you like about yourself?  What are you more deserving of a pat on the back for?  Open up your journal and start writing.  If you are like me, this positive list takes some time to come up with.  It starts with giving yourself permission to say you are good at something.  That is hard for most of us, so don’t be surprised if this process brings up some emotions.  Allow them in, and keep writing.  I hope that in the end, you will have enjoyed working on your list as much as I have, and learned as much, too.  Then, leave me a reply.  Tell me, what’s so good about YOU?

Start today,

William

My Family’s Adopted Holiday

1975154_10202817070604257_1405049607_nHello friend,

My normally-silent cellphone was buzzing on Monday.  It was St. Patrick’s Day, and text messages were flying across the country seemingly every few minutes, loaded with photos of all sorts of green and/or shamrock-shaped food and other shenanigans.  It wasn’t my friends out on the town getting silly on green beer.  No, it was simply my siblings and parents, each in their respective homes, celebrating this minor holiday in a major way.  They were putting photos and comments on Facebook, too, sharing recipes for home-made shamrock shakes and photos of big spreads of corned beef & cabbage and shamrock cookies.  I have four siblings, and every single one—along with my parents—were doing the day for all it is worth, and then some.

As I watched the messages and photos pour in, I couldn’t help but think we are an odd bunch, making St. Patrick’s Day our unofficial family holiday.  To most people, I think this holiday is nothing more than a chance to get an extra party night in the year or to wear a green shirt as a conversation piece in an otherwise normal day.  Otherwise, on every 17th day of March, the world goes on the same as it did on the 16th or 25th day.  Schools are in session, banks are open, and no one is gearing their vacation around it.  As holidays go, it is more April Fool’s Day or, at best, Halloween, than it is Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Those are the big ones, the ones that not just get families together but bind them together.

Not my family, though.  No, while we enjoy the other holidays (and certainly gather more frequently at Christmas), the day that binds us together is St. Patrick’s Day.  It is only in the last couple of years that I have recognized this, and truly it was not always the case.  When I was a kid, we wore green just to avoid getting pinched, and of course I loved to get a Shamrock Shake at McDonald’s when we went to Montana on our annual skiing trip (I still love those shakes, too, and that is the one and only day of the year I visit the Golden Arches, driven mostly by nostalgia but also by that minty, sweet goodness).  But that was it.  St. Patrick’s Day came and went like Arbor Day or Flag Day.  It is only in my adulthood that it has become this sort of glue to my family.  But why?  This is what I was shaking my head about as I watched the messages keep flying into my phone that night.  Thankfully, it was about that time of the night when I usually sit down with my journal.  As always, my old friend helped me find some much-needed clarity on the topic.

What I came to see in the process of my writing is that the underlying motivation for us to not just celebrate St. Patrick’s Day but share it with each other in this unusually passionate way stems from our deep love of our father and our attempt to let him know that in a way that he can let in.  Let me unpack that thought.  My dad’s mother—my grandma (we called her “Nana”, and she was a gem)–was fully Irish, her parents having come from the old country and settling on the open plains of North Dakota to raise a family.  She died while I was in high school.  In the ensuing years, my old man became more sincere in his remembrance of St. Patrick’s Day, seemingly in an attempt to make sure that all of us not just remembered but honored our Irish heritage and, as an extension, his dear mother.  As my siblings and I started having kids, it was not unusual to get a little package of green necklaces, headwear, and other paraphernalia just before the big day to ensure a complete celebration and a passing of the torch to the next generation.

Tracing this back to my grandma’s death helped me see the source of the passion from my Dad’s end, but still the question was lingering about why my brothers, sisters, and I have so completely climbed onboard with it and are passing it to our own children.  It turns out that for us kids, it is also about paying tribute to a parent.  You see, my old man can be a bit difficult to get close to.  Like a lot of guys his age—or any age for that matter—he doesn’t really let his guard down enough to allow you to share a truly intimate moment with him.  He tends to disappear when it is time to say goodbye after a visit, leaving the hugs and tears role to my Mom.  It is tough to say “I love you” and have him truly receive it; he just doesn’t take that in very well or make it comfortable for you to try to say, even.  It is tough to get past the wall.

I love my Dad like crazy.  I always thought I would never be able to tell him that, though, never be able to share with him that he really means the world to me.  As you might guess, I am more open and expressive with my emotions than he is, so we are not always on the same page in the communication department.  But, as I came to understand while writing about St. Patrick’s Day in my journal on Monday, it turns out that I have, unknowingly, learned to speak his language and say what I want to say in a way that he can hear.  In the absence of a lot of hugs, terms of endearment, and the like, adopting this holiday has become the one way for the kids to tell the old man “I love you” in a way that he can accept.  We can kind of slip it in under the radar.  No one has to admit—even if we are aware of it, which I wasn’t until writing about it—that this is what is really happening.  Embracing St. Patrick’s Day to the hilt is our tribute to him and our acknowledgment of his love for his mother.  We celebrate her to celebrate him.  And since no one says that out loud, he doesn’t put up any walls or keep the celebration at arm’s length.  Even though that sounds like a lot of subconscious smoke & mirrors, it actually seems to work for everyone.  I am okay with it.

So, it seems that for my siblings and I, the depth of our sincerity in celebrating St. Patrick’s Day is less about honoring our Irish heritage than it is about honoring our Dad.  My Mom sent us all a text message Monday morning with a picture of the old man all clad in green (see above) and a quote from him: “If you’re lucky enough to be even a wee bit Irish, you’re lucky enough!  Happy St. Paddy’s Day.”  To that I would say of the man who bestowed upon me the middle name Patrick: if you are lucky enough to have a Dad even a wee bit like mine, you are lucky enough!

Okay, your turn.  Get out your journal and start exploring your mind.  What holiday has your family adopted?  What is it about that holiday that connects you to each other more than the other holidays?  Is it, like mine, underlined by a sentimentality toward a parent or grandparent?  Also, how do you communicate with your parents or family members?  Are you as affectionate and physical as you are with your close friends, or do you feel like you have to filter yourself?  Have you found a new language to speak in, like my placing uncommon importance on a holiday?  If you have kids, is the pattern reproducing itself, or have you charted a new course in affection and communication?  Probing the depths of your heart and mind about family matters is an enormous can of worms, but the digging is, in my experience, simultaneously fascinating and liberating.  How deep are you willing to dig?

Be brave and be YOU,

William

What’s your Tagline?

DSC_0887Hello friend,

When people first learn that I write in a journal every day, one of the first things they ask—after shaking their head for a bit and looking at me like I come from Mars—is, “What do you say???  How can you come up with something new every day?”  The truth is that I don’t set out to say something new and original in each entry.  I don’t make any sort of plan, really.  I write the dateline and then simply let my mind run.  I let it empty out whatever it needs to be rid of.  When a thought pops up, I do my best to not judge whether it is worthy of my ink or time; I just write it out and see where it leads.  My mind is brand new each day—partly because journaling cleans it out—so a day that looks the same on the outside gets processed quite differently on the inside.    Sure, I have gone through phases in my life when I was doing similar things every day or was attached to a particular topic in my mind—there have been lots of blogging thoughts the last couple of weeks, for instance—but always the entries are unique.  That is, except for one line.

“Life is beautiful.”  That is the one constant for me when it comes to my journal entries.  Life is beautiful.  I conclude every one of my daily entries with that line or some very close cousin to it (e.g. Life is truly beautiful.  Life is so very beautiful.  La vita e bella.).  That is my tagline.

“Why ‘Life is beautiful’?” you might ask.  And why the same thing every day?  Why even have a tagline?  Why not just come up with something new each time, letting it flow from your real mood at the moment you are finishing?  After all, you don’t really think Life is beautiful every day, do you?    Isn’t that a little phony, not to mention unoriginal, to write that same platitude each time?

These are valid questions.  For me, much of the answer is deeply rooted in one of my primary reasons for journaling in the first place.  One of the big ones for me is, as I mentioned above, simply emptying out my mind of the day’s rubbish and cleaning it up in a more organized way, bringing me clarity about how I really feel about the people and issues in my little world.  But the other main reason I journal, which is a natural offshoot of the first reason, is to remind myself of how truly and wildly blessed I am.  When I can see things clearly—with the falseness of my ego in check and the other rubbish of the day’s issues removed—it is so blatantly obvious to me that there are nothing but angels and miracles in my world, that I am blessed beyond my wildest imagination, and that I am, as a result, indescribably happy.

So it is that as I start to wrap up the day’s entry in my journal—after I have spilled out all of the day’s issues, stresses, and regular events, and then landed on the right side of clarity—I come around to these thoughts of my infinite blessings.  I often catch myself at that point in the writing with the biggest, most serene grin plastered across my face.  So, while I am the first to admit that writing “Life is beautiful” is a habit that could easily happen unconsciously like any other habit, I can honestly say that as I wrap up my writings every day and get ready to pen that last sentence, I feel it in my core.  I write it with conviction.  I have written it–and meant it–when I could not walk or stand up straight from the pain of a herniated disc, when my loved ones have died, and when I have felt most unsure about my future.  So yes, for me, that simple statement sums up best who I am at that moment in my day’s journal entry.  It is both a summary and a reminder to me.  And hey, if I am going to have one magnetic thought that my inner compass returns to every day as my True North, let it be that one.  Life is beautiful.  It may sound trite and phony to others, but it is, quite simply, my Truth.

So, what is your tagline?  If you had to choose something to say to yourself or about yourself every day, what would it be?  It could be a quote that inspires you—who doesn’t need a “Carpe diem” or “Follow your Bliss” or “Fortune favors the bold”?—or a line that summarizes who you are.  It could be your motto.  You might even think of it as your epitaph; what would you want that line on your tombstone to read?  It should be succinct but authentic, the latter being much more important.  Get out your journal and try to figure out what your tagline is.  It could start with a list of options, but it doesn’t have to.  Just start writing about who you are at your core.  It will find its way to you.  I would love to hear what you come up with.  Leave me a reply, and let’s get the conversation going.

I will leave you today with the last few lines from my own journal entry earlier this afternoon:

My heart is light with Divine energy, and that seems to sustain.  I am buoyed by today’s sunlight; it fills me.  Even amidst grogginess, I lay here with this persistent, peaceful grin upon my face.  It is evidence of my Truth, of my core Happiness.  Thanks be to God.  Life is truly beautiful. 

May your Truth set you free,

William

Why I Journal (and want you to)

Headshot Vertical 0658I have been journaling for 20 years–daily for the last 17–so I must get something out of it, right?  A little over a year ago, I decided to go back and read my story, one entry at a time, for the 47ish volumes I have filled in those 20 years.  As I got into the second volume, it occurred to me that it would be cool to somehow make a book of my mind’s evolution, choosing entries that were representative of the different chapters of my life.  I would be the book’s author and then its sole audience member.  I kept reading the entries, and gradually I started believing that perhaps my kids or grandkids might be interested to read my tale one day, that maybe there was some value in the lessons I learned and the way I processed my world every day.  I am, after all, an unusually happy man, so maybe my innermost thoughts could actually teach them something, or so I was thinking.  So I dug out a notebook and started  jotting notes down about each entry, putting stars by the ones I considered interesting.  I began to call it “The Journal Project”, or TJP for short.  The more I read, the more fascinated I became.  Yes, it feels odd and conceited to say that I was enthralled by my own mind, but I truly was.  I was learning so much by reading the entries.  One of the things that struck me was how much I needed the journals, how much they held my hand and guided me along the way.  It wasn’t long before I even wondered if it could help just about anyone to read my tale, not because of my interesting life or my goofy thoughts, but more because it could  show them how journaling could help them.  I started to fixate on this idea of getting others to journal in order to know themselves better and hopefully, as a result, love themselves better and be more grateful for everything in their world and more connected, both to themselves and to others.  The more I read my entries, the more sold on the idea I became.  It is now my mission.

Two weeks ago, after about 16 months of reading and note-taking, I finally caught myself up to present day.  In those 16 months, my mission has grown from that initial flicker of an idea to a full-blown wildfire inside of me, and consequently many lines of journal entries have thoughts about it.  At the rate I am going–I blame it all on my two wonderful but all-consuming kids, of course–it could be a few years before I actually type up those starred entries and make them into a volume you can read.  But the fire burns in me, and that is where “Journal of You” comes in.  I want to live my mission out loud as soon as I can, so here I am, writing this to you.  This is all preface to what I really want to say about why I journal, and I think I can share with you most authentically by quoting directly from one of my own entries.  This was taken from Christmas Eve of 2012, when I was just a few months into The Journal Project and was reading about the 1998 version of my mind–which happened to be unreasonably blissful and full of world-saving ideas–and was considering this burgeoning idea of using my example to inspire others to know themselves better through journaling.  Here it is:

“….I cannot imagine my mind without these journals.  I feel like they have allowed me to pursue all kinds of ideas, concepts, and emotions until how I think and feel–indeed, how I tick–has become so clear to me.  They have truly been the vehicle I have ridden on the path to self-knowledge.  They have kept me connected both to myself and to the Divine Source.  I simply don’t know if or how that would have happened without them.  I doubt it.  Certainly not to the degree that I am connected now.  These books have been a huge dumping ground and mixing bowl for my thoughts.  But that is just part of it.  They have also been a serving tray, as through all of the dumping and mixing, they have sent back to my mind neatly-dressed ideas and beliefs about me and about the world.  My mind is like this huge warehouse of random stuff that desperately needed an operations staff to get it all sorted, cleaned, and filed into a coherent system so that I can go through this world every day in complete happiness and gratitude.  These journals have provided just that service.  It is difficult to think of what level of happiness or clarity I would be living with (struggling with?) without them.  They came at an amazing time in my life and made it totally blow up in magic and joy.  Of course, looking back, I wish I had started writing them sooner–it would surely have changed my course–but I am also so glad that they came when they did.  How could I have processed that complete spiritual revolution without them?  No way!  I would have been a mental case.  So now they are simply part of who I am.  Part of my soul.  Part of my happiness.  Part of my gratitude.  I cannot imagine my world without them.  There!  When I lay it out like that in plain terms, it becomes so obvious to me why TJP–or, eventually My Journal, My Journey–is totally a service project.  I want everyone to feel as happy and grateful as I do; that I have always been clear about.  But now it has become so clear to me–an “AHA moment,” as Mastin Kipp would say–that perhaps the best way I can help deliver the main goal–guiding people down the path to fulfillment and Joy–is to provide them a good vehicle in which to travel the path.  That vehicle is the journal!  It is not lost on me that the way I just arrived at this clarity on the topic–this newly-arrived AHA moment–is exactly the way I am professing about: by dumping thoughts out onto this paper and allowing them to be purified and organized in such a way that I can then see so clearly just what is the Truth stored in them.  It is to journal.  The verb “to journal”.  How cool is that!  Synchronicity.  I am feeling the flow.  It is so grand, this moment.  My heart sings, so I know my soul is being listened to.  Loud and clear, baby!  I am so happy.  Life is beautiful.”

That is it.  That is what Journal of You is all about.  It is about YOU!  Your innermost thoughts, from the limiting beliefs that hold you back to the dreams that make you soar.  It is about knowing yourself deeper and better than you ever have before, and really accepting and appreciating what you have come to know.  It is about getting down to your authentic self, telling your Truth and enjoying how liberating that can be.

So, I am challenging you–starting today–to begin to tell your story.  Open up a blank Word document on your computer or grab a notebook and pen–or, better yet, treat yourself to an old-fashioned journal like I write in every day–and just start writing.  Put the pen to the paper and say whatever is on your mind.  Don’t judge it as worth writing about or not; just let your mind go and write.  Shake out whatever is rattling around up there.  Give yourself permission to say anything.  Get real.  Tell your Truth!

Then….tell me about it.  In the comments box, tell me how it went.  What did you write about?  Were you honest?  Did you surprise yourself with what came out?  Were you self-conscious?  How did it feel afterwards?  If you decided not to write to yourself but want to share your thoughts, the box is for you, too.  This is our space to become a community, so share openly and respectfully.  While you are there, I would love to hear what you want me to write about in upcoming posts.  I am so excited to go on this ride with you!

So, without further ado………………GO WRITE YOURSELF!!!